Innocently enough, my husband mumbled something about growing a beard. “I love the idea,” I said. “Go for it!”
He said something about protesting his male patterned baldness and that “beards don’t give a crap” in response to his working several ICU shifts in a row.
Whatever subversive thing he believed he was doing, I was supportive. Why not? I love a manly, man.
After a week of his enduring the itchiness of developing facial fur, it was permanent. And, it was like, voila! I suddenly saw the world in Technicolor and beards were EVERYWHERE.
I have literally, almost never, noticed a man’s beard. Now, I can’t get away from them. When did beards sprout on every single man I know? Tall men. Short men. Old men. Hipsters. Beards are like sea sponges –quiet, unassuming, yet they blanket the entire planet’s ocean floors. Like mold, beards are growing everywhere in dark, damp places…
Clearly, my husband must now join the Brotherhood of the Neckbeard to stand among truly daring and stylish men. I mentioned aloud this short list of a few, brave men who have felled their beautiful neck bristles:
- Lebron James
- Jonah Hill
- Composer Richard Wagner
- Abraham Lincoln!
- Sam the Eagle, from the Muppets
- Roman Emperor Nero
- Hank Williams, Jr
- 97% of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence
And to add to my cause, a neck beard would allow me to actually kiss my husband without his beard scratching my face off. I show you this handsome devil below, as an inspiring look…for all mankind.