Nice Dinner, Explosive Diarrhea

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I had dinner tonight with my husband, David, at Le Petit Cafe in a sleepy beach town in Connecticut. We were the youngest diners by about 90 years. As I discovered the “extraordinary” 2004 NY Times review framed on the wall above the back table, I thought “impressive” and “wow, this place is pretty rad” and “how special that we are here.” I thought of Ratatouille and how the critic must have loved the food from her childhood when she came to this joint.

Quite simply, the food was amazing. But along with my chamomile tea, I was delivered a bout of explosive diarrhea and nearly crapped my pants.

But why the colon cleanse? It wasn’t the dinner. Couldn’t be. Could it be that instant? The sea scallops were heavenly. It must have been lunch. I replayed the days’ culinary intake, as I sweat.

Was it the milk in the tea at lunch? The three bites of chicken parm sandwich my father-in-law brought home and I ate while standing-up and nursing my baby? Doesn’t matter. Too late to figure out now. Maybe it’s the prospect of moving to La Jolla? My second bout of explosive diarrhea visited as Dave signed the check. Didn’t have much time to think. Must pull down pants now.

My second visit to the restroom was harried, as all second visits to bathrooms are. I realized I was in the men’s room when a) it was less clean the previous bathroom I just used, b) there was some pee on the floor, c) the toilet seat was raised and d) the hand soap was neutrogena face wash (or so it seemed).

Anyway, we’re moving to San Diego in ten days. I’ve been living out of a suitcase since July. My daughters were put to sleep by grandpa tonight and here I was out on a date with Dave, in a classy restaurant, enjoying my dessert and last sips of wine before facing a total unknown fate.

And as weird as reading a top notch review from a NY Times food critic while pooping your brains out is (they posted the review on the wall of the restroom), nothing compares to the weirdness of moving to Southern California to set-up a life when you’ve only visited that region of the country for 4 days. You’re a New Yorker at heart. You don’t have a back tattoo to show-off. And the only person you know is the broker who got you your rental property. And you think he’s nice but that’s his job description.

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